ATTN: MOVED TO talesofsmiley.blogspot.com see ya there!

Friday night, and you know what? I'm still tired. Even more tired than I was. My supervisor cancelled her vacation wihc means she was in today and will be in all next week. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice lady. She's just also a prejudiced, conclusion-jumping, conservative person who speaks and writes in VERY BAD ENGLISH!!! ARGH! Yes, I am an English major and I'm not ashamed of it. I am also quite knowledgible, or so it seems. Josie was amazed at how quickly I researched and entered data and the way I formatted and added and did other things with an Excel spreadsheet. Not to mention that I've writtne "wonderful" letters for her, as well as her newsletter page. And to top that, I managed to scan a form into word and modify it, making better. None of these are very complicated and none of them took all that much time!!! She also keeps asking me about what type of job I'm looking for (which I honestly don't know . . . whatever catches my fancy at this point) and what pay I'd like to get in a job. So it seems as if she would like to hire me and keep me in her department. Unsurprising considering she's said so in not so many words. But I'm getting $8.50 an hour at this point and I won't take less than that. The township only pays people at the level I'm temping for $7.00 an hour so its doubtful that I'll be staying. Now if only I knew how long this assignment is going to last . . . .

Bad news on the house front. And good news too. Mom stood up for herself and didn't let the lady out of the contract (she asked a two weeks before closing! We'd don waaaay to much by then to go back, not to mention that this is mom's dream house and it would have killed her to give it up), but she's allowed the closing to be moved to the end of April. However, if the don't sign the amended sales contract, the closing will go ahead on Friday as was originally planned. Hopefully we'll hear something about that before Friday.

Exciting news in the life of Kristi the Penn State student. One of the 3 classes which had been changed from a no grade to an F has been changed by the professor to a B+! WOOHOOO!! I guess she finally read the paper I turned in in July. Now all I have to do is recreate the senate petition for retroactive late drop that I had turned in to my IDIOTIC advisor before I left the campus last semester. I CAN'T BELIEVE THE IDIOT LOST IT!!!!! Actually, I can. I've never thought highly of the man. Grr. It won't be as good as the original, but hopefully it will be enough to persuade the faculty senate to drop those two classes from the schedule. Then I will have no Fs. Some advice for y'all...if you are ever diagnosed with depression during school, take a leave of absence the next semester, withdraw that semester if you feel it necessary. Pushing yourself only makes your illness worse, but taking time to get good physical, psychological, and supportive care can make all the differnce. Or so I've heard...I'm not exactly in the position to say that from experience. But I'm making progress and I'm not as depressed as I was.

Well, I'm falling asleep at the keyboard so good night all.
Kristi :) *hoping eyes will stay open long enough to shut down the computer*

Thursday night and boy am I tired. I can't help but wonder why I haven't been able to sleep well recently. I think my illness has something to do with it so I took my anti-anxiety pill (now why would I have any reason to feel anxious? Gee, I don't know) and am now starting to fall asleep. Unsurprising. :) Just finished watching President Bush's address to the joint Congress and the citizens of the US, and the world. I have to admit that the speech was impressive. Although I must admit I was beginning to giggle and all the standing and the clapping. I know emotions were high, but I began to wonder why they all bothered to ever sit down. One shock, my state's governor Tom Ridge was appointed to head up the new Homeland Security thing. Wow.

I have to say that the events of the week have left me exhausted, anxious, and . . . I don't know . .. fiesty? I've been combatting the assumptions of the very conservative and isolated people I work with. I don't understand people who grasp on to bits of info or those who condem a people for the actions of a few. They do that, along with spreading worst case scenario rumours and USING BAD ENGLISH!!!! It is a great trial to listen to my current supervisor talk . . . sometimes I wince, other times I shudder, and still other times I have to resist the urge to jump her, grab her by the throat, and forcefully correct what she just said. At least she's turned the letter and article writing over to me. I saw the article she wrote for the last newsletter and it was horrible . . . simply horrible. But she's quite impressed with the fix-it jobs that I've done in that area, along with the work I've done in all other areas I've been involved in. She's a nice lady, they all are. But there are times . . . and I have to admit that I wish she was still going on vacation next week. She cancelled her trip to Mexico cause she was afraid to fly. Of course, she also convinced that the local nuclear power plant is a terrorist target and that these terrorists are going to steel all the emergency vehicles in the county and ram them into buildings. I just have a really hard time believing that Beaver County in Western Pennsylvania would be a terrorist target.

Still, at times, the anxiety portion of my illness rears its ugly head and I start to worry. Luckily I have a loving mother to reassure me at those times and anti-anxiety meds for when the anxiety starts to turn to a panic attack.

Well, my eyes are closing and my mouth is yawning so I best be off to bed! G'night all!
Kristi : )

Well, its Sunday and its about time for sleep. Have to get up early in the morning for work. Yeck. Its been a long weekend, full of nothing and not eating. I've read and played mahjongg, and done basically what I've wanted to. Except that I really wanted to go to church, but once again my courage gave out. I have an easy excuse ... I know that they changed times but I don't know what the time of the service is . . . ten or ten thirty. I know, its dumb. What can I say? So much hurt and fear and other junk, although its with a different church. *note to self-work harder on getting to church*

Okay, if you thought I was crazy before, you're definately going to be convinced now. I have to admit that I miss homework. Even more so I miss classes and learning. I wish so much that I was able to take some of the interesting and fascinating courses that can be found at Penn State main campus. Chaucer, different religious studies, all types of things. Yes, I would have been a great professional student. However, I can't get paid for that. Sigh. I feel really guilty being on the computer this late and not having any homework done, even knowing that I don't have any. Next semester I suppose . . . . if I can work things out. But that's musings for another day.

Its amazing that I still feel such a great sense of shock about the 11th. I keep seeing the images of the planes crashing into the wtc and keep thinking that its a mistake somehow. Unfortunately, its not. However, the unity and connection and pride that I have seen displayed by most of the citizens of this country warms my heart. The increasing divisiveness of the country has been worrying, but we're more united now than ever. Excepting those who are locked in fear and bitterness and hate and prejudice and insist on persecuting the innocent. I don't understand why people can't get it in their heads that just because one group of Arabic people committed this attrocity doesn't mean that all Arabic people are guilty. But then I've never really understood hate and bias and prejudice. *shurgs*

well, I better get to sleep . . . as soon as I finish talking to Canada Boy. lol
Kristi : )

Alright, I admit it. I'm longwinded . . . or should I say longwritten? Hey, what do you expect? I'm an English major. Writing and expressing myself in words is what I do best. Okay, okay Neil, I'll try to remember to hit enter more often :p.

It's now Friday and I'm still watching NBC as much as possible. I, like much of the nation, seem to be obsessed with not missing anything that concerns the attack and anything connected to it. I was inspired during the service at the National Cathedral and wrote down some really good thoughts, but I'm too tired to dig it out. It'll hold.
Night

Showing support for those involved with the tragedy of September 11, 2001.

Support freedom

Alright, I confess . . . I have little or no idea what I'm doing, stylewise, with this site. I just don't understand how to make even simple changes such as adding links, etc. I would welcome any help that you guys can give me . . . to the guild, you know where to find me . . . Y!M me or AIM me or neomail me . . . :D

smiley *who loves her guild*

September 11, 2001 is a day I know I'll never forget. I was watching Today on NBC right after the second plane crashed into the second tower. I'll never forget my shock and disbelief, and then horror as first one tower fell to the ground, and the second followed. I don't know if I'll always remember that I was sitting in a chair in the Hopewell wage tax office, leaning forward over a small metal table when buildings once thought impossible to destroy, crumpled to the ground sending up a plume of smoke and debris that sight alone could not penetrate. I think of the fire fighters, the police, the paramedics, the ordinary citizens who went in, deterimed to fight the fire and destruction and to save the victims, above and below the gaping holes, never giving thought to the possibility that the mighty World Trade Centers, buildings which had before survived terrorists attempts to bring it down, would surrender to the heat and the stress. I sometimes wonder if those brave men and women realized what was happening when the tower began to tremble, as I imagine it did, seconds before the tons of steel, cement, and now fellow victims down upon them. What shock and fear was felt by the men and women we all count on to be there to save us in times of disaster when their fellows were swallowed by dust and debris. I can't imagine the terror and desperation felt by the innocent men and women whose lone fault was to come to work early, or on time.

I still remember my shock and fear as a man in the Pentagon broke into another conversation with the news that there had been an explosion-like sound and that the building had shaken around him. And I remember my awe at his courage and foolhardiness as he told the nation he would leave his office to discover what had happened and then come back to tell us all. I remember my utter shock at learning that this terrorism had stuck closer to home, that a plane had crashed 8 miles from Jennerstown, a place I've driven through and near Route 30, a road that has many times taken me to the joy of summer camp, or the escape of my churches youth ski retreat. I wonder if I've seen the field or driven past the lake not far from the crater that marks the passing of so many brave souls, and the passing of a part of the evil that has woken the sleeping giant. And although I know no person who has died or been injured in this heinous attack on our country, the shock and grief have overwhelmed me. Missing a day of work and leaving early the two days prior I try to fight a relapse of an illness I have yet to beat off completely. I wonder how long my reaction to this unthinkable deed will go on, and if I will have to break down and call the psychiatrist helping me in the battle against the illness.

Yet even in my shock, my heart warms at the acts of those selfless many who have fought to save the lives of others, who have risked themselves on the smallest chance of life. I am humbled by the hordes who wait in line for hours to donate blood to help the victims in any way they can. If I could join them, I would despite my fear and loathing of needles and the pain they cause. still, I look for ways to help. I've spent my hard earned mypoints.com points on donations to the red cross. I am in awe of those who left their lives to come to the worst devestaion that I have ever seen to help in the grim task of digging through the ruble. I applaud and pray for those rescue workers who refuse to leave the rubble of the collapsed buildings becuase their fellows had been caught in the surprising collapse of such noble buildings. Human kindness pours out of the heart of the nation, supporting, loving, uplifting, and praying for those who lived, died, survived, are searching and are digging.

A sad topic and a sad few days in which to begin this blog of my life, but I can not ignore that I have been deeply affected by this "Attack on America", as the viewer grabbing media has labeled the tragic events. And now, I go to sleep, to rest, and to gain the strength to make it through work tomorrow and to try to pick up my life, while closely watching and waiting as the trauma continues

Kristi :(